What is wrong with me?????? July 13, 2007

I feel like I’m have a mid-life crisis or something.  I will be 29 this November and I’m questioning everything about my life…………well not everything, my kids are the only thing I don’t question. 

I’m sick of so much.  I’m sick of the drama that constantly goes on with TheGrump’s Ex.  I’m sick of feeling like a second class citizen in my own home.  I’m sick of my husband being such an asshole and I’m sick of feeling like I deserve to be treated better.  I can’t say that I wish I could go back and do it all differently because I love my kids and step-kids sooooo much.  I’m not a horrible person and damn it, maybe I’m selfish but I want to be treated well or not at all.  

Things were a little harder but so much less stressful when I was a single parent.  TheTomboy’s father and I get along quite well.  Hell I even get along with his wife.  Why does everyone else have to be so difficult. To be honest, and I know this sounds stupid but I believe that if TheGrump could be back with the Ex he would.  He is much nicer to her than he is to me and I’m sick of it. 

Sometimes I wonder if I’m crazy.  I wonder if I feel all these feelings because they are valid or because I’m bored.  Sometimes I think I should of been born a man, because once I get bored I start pulling away from relationships.  In this case I don’t know which it is.  As of Tuesday we will have been married for 4 years and I miss that giddy feeling that I had when we first started dating.   I wish you could have a relationship where you didn’t get bored and that newness never went away.  Maybe that’s just a fantasy but that’s what I really want!!!

WIP