A New Day August 6, 2007

Okay, it’s Monday and a new day.  Things have been going okay here.  I actually got my downstairs somewhat clean over the weekend.  Of course all 4 kids were back as of yesterday, so I’m sure it will all be trashed within a few days……….hell hours

I think TheGrump and I need a vacation…………..together…………….alone.  We never had a honeymoon and we had a ready made family by the time we got together and our lives seems to be all kids all the time.  Which don’t get me wrong, I love our kids but we never have any time to ourselves………never. 

On another note TheEx is still a bitch.  I’m sorry but if you choose not to let the kids come back at the time they are suppose to be back because you want them to go to a pool party, that you didn’t attend, why are we responsible for picking them up.  WHY?  Because you are too fucking lazy to drive the damn 7 miles to our house.  (enough about that though

That’s all for today

WIP

What is wrong with me?????? July 13, 2007

I feel like I’m have a mid-life crisis or something.  I will be 29 this November and I’m questioning everything about my life…………well not everything, my kids are the only thing I don’t question. 

I’m sick of so much.  I’m sick of the drama that constantly goes on with TheGrump’s Ex.  I’m sick of feeling like a second class citizen in my own home.  I’m sick of my husband being such an asshole and I’m sick of feeling like I deserve to be treated better.  I can’t say that I wish I could go back and do it all differently because I love my kids and step-kids sooooo much.  I’m not a horrible person and damn it, maybe I’m selfish but I want to be treated well or not at all.  

Things were a little harder but so much less stressful when I was a single parent.  TheTomboy’s father and I get along quite well.  Hell I even get along with his wife.  Why does everyone else have to be so difficult. To be honest, and I know this sounds stupid but I believe that if TheGrump could be back with the Ex he would.  He is much nicer to her than he is to me and I’m sick of it. 

Sometimes I wonder if I’m crazy.  I wonder if I feel all these feelings because they are valid or because I’m bored.  Sometimes I think I should of been born a man, because once I get bored I start pulling away from relationships.  In this case I don’t know which it is.  As of Tuesday we will have been married for 4 years and I miss that giddy feeling that I had when we first started dating.   I wish you could have a relationship where you didn’t get bored and that newness never went away.  Maybe that’s just a fantasy but that’s what I really want!!!

WIP

Happiness…….. July 10, 2007

What is happiness? Is anyone really truly happy?  If you are please comment, I’d love to know what you think happiness is. 

Am I happy?  to be honest I have no idea.  Over the last few days I’ve thought and thought about this question.  I’m happy with my kids, I’m happy that I’m going back to school to do something I want to do, but am I happy with other aspects of my life, Not really.  Why do we stay in relationships that make us miserable?  Or am I just ready to sabotage another relationship because I’m dysfunctional like that.  Is it so much to ask to be treated with respect and to be loved?  What the fuck is love anyway!

Maybe I’m going through a mid-life crisis sort of thing.  I’m only 29 but am having issues with being so close to 30.  We’ll see just how dysfunctional I am.  No more sugar coating anything on this blog.  If I feel it, I’m going to post it. 

Don’t you have those bloggers who go on and on about how happy they are and how wonderful their husband’s are……………  I use to be one of those and it is all bullshit.  No ones life is perfect, mine especially.  To those who are still in denial……………..bite me.

 WIP