Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth??????

***All names and numbers are fictional and please note this is not one person in-particular, I get at least 10 of these phone calls a day***** 


MIP: “Good morning ‘TheHellHole’ can I help you?”

Caller:  “Yes ma’am is ‘Ms.Boss’ there?”

MIP:  “She’s out of the office may I take a message?”

Caller:  “Yes, just have her call ‘Jane Smith’ at 555-1212”

MIP:   “May I tell her what it’s regarding?”

JS:  “I just need to talk to her about some legal advice.”

MIP:  “oh in that case we would need to set you up with a consultation appointment”

JS:  “she just can’t call me back?”

MIP:  “no ma’am she requires all new clients to come in for a consultation, would you like for me to set you up with that now?”

JS:  “yes please”

MIP:  “Okay, what type of case will this be?”

JS:  “there’s no case I just need some legal advice.”

MIP:  “yes ma’am but what type of issue are you wanting to see her for?”

JS:  “I just wants some advice on what to do, just legal advice.”

MIP:  “Ma’am what type of matter are you coming in to see us about, there are several issues we don’t do here such as traffic, criminal, etc…. so she wouldn’t be able to advise you on them.  We mainly do family law here.”

JS:  “oh well I guess it would be a family issues, my husband……….well I just need to ask her what to do”

MIP:  “So you’re coming in about divorce/separation type issues……..”

JS:  “I”m not sure if we’re divorcing yet or not I just need some legal advice”
MIP:  “so it’s about you and your husband possibly splitting up, right?”

JS:  “I guess so”

(see how damn exhausting this is…….but it’s not over)

MIP:  “okay what’s your husband’s name?”

JS:  “Um….. do I have to give you that information, I really don’t want anyone to know?”

MIP:  “Ma’am we keep everything confidential of our clients, we don’t give out names and such, I need it so I can check for conflict.”

JS:  “He’s never been there!”

(WTF???? how in the hell does she know this, we have people come in all the time that their spouse has no idea they’ve ever been here.)

MIP:  “Okay ma’am but I still have to check okay, what is his name?”

JS:  “I know he’s never been there”

MIP:  “Ma’am I just need to put it into our computer, so in order to make you an appointment I will need his name.”

JS:  “John Smith”

MIP:  “Hold one moment please”

(put on hold, check for conflict and take a minute to breathe……..)

MIP:  “okay ma’am I can set up you a consultation appointment and my next available date is next Wed. at 2 or 3 p.m.  Our consultation fee is $200 and that allows you to come in and speak with her for an hour.  At that time she will quote you a retainer fee for any further work…………..”
JS:  “$200.00!!!!!”

MIP (in my nicest possible voice): “yes ma’am”

MIP:  “yes ma’am, that is her normal fee for this”

JS:  “I can’t pay that”
MIP:  “I’m sorry ma’am, maybe you should try one of the other attorney’s in the area”

JS:  “Well I hear she’s the best attorney for this sort of thing, but $200.”

(Duh, if we’re the best, hence the $200 fee)

MIP:  “Would you like to make a consultation?”

JS:  “I’ll have to call you back”

MIP:  “Okay, have a nice day, bye”


Yep and they usually do call us back.  6 months later after they’ve gotten another cheaper attorney that they were not satisfied with……………….whew what a waste of time.


Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen things I enjoyed at the beach.

  1. Relaxing on the beach of course
  2. Going to the water parks and amusement park for free 🙂
  3. Seeing an attempt at making the worlds biggest sandcastle.
  4. Funnel Cakes – need I say more
  5. The aquarium – seeing the sharks and other fish.
  6. watching the kids go crazy at the aquarium
  7. touching a sting ray – they’re slimy feeling.
  8. Getting to go to the Ripley’s Believe it or Not Museum – it rocked
  9. I definitely enjoyed saving up some of our tax money to spend while we were there.
  10. getting to go with another family.
  11. riding the sling-shot at Family Kingdom and finally getting over my fear of it.
  12. Not riding that damn Ferris wheel
  13. Just spending some time with my family and seeing my husband have a day off (he works 7 days a week)

Links to other Thursday Thirteens! (Leave a comment with your link and I’ll put it here)

  1. Cheeky 
  2. carmen
  3. Jane
  4. Lisa
  5. Erin
  6. Jennifer 
  7. Courtney
  8. Amanda
  9. theSchooligan
  10. Stacy
  11. EmilyRoseJewel
  12. Susan
  13. Kelly
  14. your next!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Stuck between a rock and a rock continued……….

Lunch was DELISH 🙂  And I wonder why I’m fat.

okay where was I????

Oh yeah, I kinda got into the fact I’d have another girl to shop for.  So TheGrump got up the nerve to call and the first few times he just left a message but no return call.  He called one night and got a very shocked Fucktard on the phone.  He basically told her how he felt about the situation.  He felt that it was her fault for him not knowing TheDaughter and that he wanted a relationship with her and wanted to ease into getting to know her.  Problem is that the child had no idea about him and that she thought that Fucktard’s current boyfriend was her Dad, but she said that she would talk to her and ease her into this.  TheGrump seemed glad that he was going to get to know her and talk to her.  so a few months go by and nada, no call, no getting a hold of her. 

In the mean time TheGrump asks me to do some research on this girl and check into retainer fees for attorney’s in her area and check out the court systems.  Good thing I’m a paralegal and know all this stuff.  Found out that her and the boyfriend have been to court about domestic disputes.  The BF had a few other things on his record.  Any attorney in the area wants between $3,000 and $5,000 to start a case for TheGrump.  He would also have to fly there which would cost around $800 to $900.  She doesn’t work anywhere and is receiving government help.  Has many addresses and P.O. Boxes over the past few years when doing a people search and found 2 other old phone numbers. 

Finally around November or December TheGrump got in touch with her again.  She had not told TheDaughter about him and asked him to give up his parental rights to TheDaughter.  TheGrump was peeved by this and said no that he wanted to be a part of her life and knew it would be difficult in the beginning but that she deserved to know.  So she agreed and said to please give her a few days and she could talk to TheDaughter and she would let him talk to her next time he called.  So TheGrump being optimistic said okay and figured it would happen this way.  Well when he called back Fucktard put him on the phone with a little girl who he thought was TheDaughter.  She didn’t say much but she’s six so he didn’t really think much of it.  He got back on the phone with Fucktard and asked what size clothing TheDaughter wore and what stuff she liked because he wanted to get her christmas and birthday presents. He also asked for pictures and such.  She agreed she would send pictures and he gave her the address.

Near TheDaughter’s birthday in December right before X-mas we packed up a HUGE box of clothing, toys, cards, pictures of the family, and such.  Mailed it in time for her to get it before her birthday.  About two days before her birthday TheGrump called Fucktard to see if she got the package.  She said yes and that she realized that she had taken him away from his daughter all these years and that had lied to him and that the little girl he talked to on the phone was her cousin’s daughter and that she hadn’t told TheDaughter about him yet but that she promised that she would do this before her birthday and that he could call her back on her birthday and talk to her.  Let’s just say when he called her back on TheDaughter’s birthday the phone had been disconnected.  TheGrump was devastated.  He didn’t know what to do. 

We have tried to find  a way to come up with the money to hire an attorney in Alaska but with 4 kids here and paying child support to Fucktard along with all the other bills we just don’t have 3 to 5 thousand dollars lying around.  My boss is an attorney but she can’t practice law in AK, so no help there.  And AK attorney’s are not as eager to give me a break just because I am a paralegal, although ones around here do.  After months passed and not being able to get in contact with Fucktard and not being so sure that the P.O. Box was any good, TheGrump asked me to write a letter to see if we could get a rise out of Fucktard.  So I typed a letter for him (from him) telling her that she had x amount of time to contact him or he would start the court process to file for custody.  Trying to bluff because we know we don’t have the money, but maybe it would put her feet to the fire.  I sent it certified mail and a return receipt.  after about two weeks there was no return I called her local post office and inquired on whether or not it was picked up and when they were going to do a second notice.  I did this knowing that in small towns word travels fast and they might mention to her that someone called.  Woo hoo it was picked up the very next day and signed for.  AH HA, now we know the post office box was still good, but would she take the bait.  Almost a month passed and we heard NADA, zilch, nothing………..

Around the second week of May TheGrump received a letter in the mail from the Tribal Council with an attached petition that Fucktard had filed asking them to help her with custody and adoption of TheDaughter.  It stated that they were going to meet to see if they would persue this issue for Fucktard and then let him know something.  The meeting was set for May 5th.  As of today we have heardnothing from them, even though I have sent them two letters from TheGrump asking them to update him on the status of this.  So now we’re in limbo.

Any advice?  Maybe I’ll set up a Fund 🙂

Stuck between a rock and a rock

Warning: this will probably be a very lengthy post BEWARE!!

I don’t even know where to begin with this……well I guess for anyone to understand (that’s assuming anyone even looks at this blog), that I should give some back-story on this.  I met TheGrump back in 1998, he was going through a divorce from his first wife and he was going through a “I don’t give a shit” phase in his life.  We met at work (where he still works) and became good friends, who didn’t always see eye to eye, but still enjoyed each other’s company.  Of course I had the biggest crush on him but he was at a point in his life where he was a bit of a whore-monger (is that even a word?) and although I had a crush on him I didn’t want anything romantic to happen because of his lifestyle and attitude.  We often butted heads because I was quite blunt of what I thought about him being such a “himbo”, but we still remained friends……………  Yes I promise there is a point here.

Anyway in 1999 TheGrump was still up to his womanizing tricks and he had a one night stand with a girl (we’ll call Fucktard) who was actually dating one of my other friends (we’ll call him John Doe).  I didn’t really know Fucktard well, she wasn’t from around here, she was originally from Alaska and most of her family was there.  She lived with a friend here.  So on with the story……………not long after she told John Doe she was pregnant and it was his, they either broke up before or not long after this happened, irrelevant, she then also told TheGrump that it was his as well.  He immediately asked for a paternity test when the child was born, she refused.  So then Fucktard up and moved away, back to AK.  In December of 1999 Fucktard called TheGrump and said that the baby had been born and he pleaded with her to come back and take a paternity test.  She again refused.  She also called TheGrump’s mother and told her as well and she also pleaded for Fucktard to come back, take a test.  She said no she found someone and she didn’t need them or TheGrump.  Phone number was later disconnected and no word from her long after that. 

Jump forward to about 2001-2002, TheGrump and I have lost contact due to my job change but if we see each other we catch up.  John Doe and I see each other more often as he is a friend of my family.  John Doe gets papers from DCSE (division of child support enforcement) for support for TheDaughter (child that Fucktard had).  John Doe knowing that Fucktard slept with not only TheGrump but at least one other person at that time immediately asked for a paternity test.  The test came back negative, he was not the father.  I never really thought anymore about Fucktard or the child.  Didn’t really have a reason to. 

Later in life me and TheGrump started dating got married in 2003 and had a child, Queenie in 2004.   June of 2005 my mother in law called and wanted to talk to TheGrump.  After he got off the phone he looked as if he had been hit by a truck.  He had received some mail at his mom’s address and it was from DCSE.  Setting up a hearing for child support for TheDaughter.  He immediately though I was going to freak, but in the back of my mind I knew this was a possibility and knew he would be going through a million emotions.  So he asked for a paternity test and DCSE set it up and we had to wait 8 weeks for the results.  That was a long 8 weeks.  The test came back positive 98.9%. 

Yep he was the father.  And honestly didn’t mind about the support, but was clueless how to feel and how to start a relationship with a child that was almost 6 years old, even if he could get in touch with her.  DCSE was not much help with anything either.  All they did was set support amount and that was it.  We did manage to find a working phone number and PO Box for Fucktard after all the paperwork was done.  They also showed TheGrump a photo of TheDaughter but he wasn’t allowed to take it from their file.  And boy does she look like him, just like the rest of his kids, with the exception of dark hair.  Fucktard is part Native American, so she’s dark skinned too.  Beautiful little girl.  And honestly I had mixed emotions too but got really excited to figure out how we were going to get to meet this child and woo hoo someone else to buy stuff for, cause you know I love shopping…………. 


(I gotta take a lunch break and I’ll be back to finish)MIP

Random Stuff

Not sure I have any one particular direction to go in today, just random crap. 

We had wonderful weather during vacation only to come home and it has rained so hard since we’ve gotten back that we have had flood warnings the last two days.  Good thing was that we needed some rain, plus my boss’ driveway flooded so she couldn’t get out of the house to come into the office 🙂  yay!!

I mailed out 6 resumes yesterday.  Please cross your fingers for me 🙂  I’ve been thinking alot lately about what I want to do with my life, but that’s for another post.  I really want to look into the RN program at the local community college here.  The problem I think I’m going to run into is that I work a 9 to 5 job and most all of their classes are during the day.  I guess they don’t take that into consideration, but we’ll see what happens. 

For some reason I have all these things that run through my head that I want to blog about but when I actually make it to a computer to post, my brain draws a blank.  One more reason I need a laptop.   

TheGrump came home this morning (he worked graveyard shift last night) and proudly boasted that he had won second place on the racing pool at work.  How come he is so damn lucky at stuff like that.  I actually played the lottery last night and didn’t win a darn thing, I didn’t even win back the stupid $2 that I played.  ………Oh now I remember why I don’t usually play.

I think I’m addicted to Blog.  Not writing on my blog but reading other people’s blogs.  I love feeling some sort of empathy or connection with someone else, someone I’ve never met.  And really when I come across a blog I love I usually add it into my “stuff I find Amusing” or blogroll.  So if you see you’re link there just know I’m a frequent visitor. 

Well I guess that’s enough mindless dribble for today…………


I’m back

Back from vakay and although I was reluctant to leave the beach, I’m glad were home now.  But if I ever play and win the lottery I’m definately buying a beach house.  I’ll try to post some pictures soon.  Gotta get caught up here at work so I’ll catch up later 🙂

Myrtle Beach Bound :)

Woooo hooo.  We leave for the beach tomorrow.  No laptop here so I won't be posting for about a week but will definately have pics when I get back.  Can't wait to get this Fat Ass out and get some sun 🙂



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