Can’t shake the feeling

I’ve been angry with someone for over a week. I can’t seem to get over it. Even tho this person has done things to get back in my good graces. But not the one thing that he needs to do to make things right…….

So my love life has been crap. 3 failed marriages…… Yes count them 3. At the age of 34 that’s something trying to tell me to give up lol. It’s a long story on this last one but I’ve got my girls and that’s all I need. It’s hard being a single mom. Especially one of a teenager.

Off to bed….. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

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Teenagers!!!!!!

Ok god love anyone who has a teenager.  I dont know what monster comes down and sucks the brain out of our sweet little darling children. And replaces it with attitude, smartassness (yes i just made up my own word), and the idea that they know it all.  But if i ever run across such monster that does this to our kids i will kill it with my bear hands.  I live in a house with 3……yes count them 3 teenage girls.  Granted only one is my child and is making me totally crazy at the moment!  How did such a sweet child turn into a moody, raging……well you know.  I love her dearly but if the attitude doesnt improve i am going to lock her in a closet until she is 20 something.

Done…..Love?

How do you know when you’re done with a relationship and are just going through the motions.  Or should I say why does it take so long to be done with a relationship?  It’s not like things got crappy overnight, things have been like it all along, but why does it take so long for us to realize this?  I am done……………. Just biding my time and trying to finish my degree so I can take care of my kids and make it on my own.

I have thought and thought about it and I am not totally convinced that there is a such thing as love.  Okay well with the exception of my kids, cause I know I love them unconditionally and the love I have for my BFF of 26 years, because even though we’ve had our ups and downs, we’ve loved each other unconditionally.  But I am not sure I’ve ever been “in love” with any man.  What is love?  and how do I know if I was in it or not?    My BFF asked me if I loved my ex-hubs.  Honestly I can say no,  we were more in lust than anything.  Do I love my husband?????  I am not sure I can say yes.  I care for him deeply, but I don’t love him because he doesn’t make me love myself……………………

to be continued….

MIP

What is wrong with me??????

I feel like I’m have a mid-life crisis or something.  I will be 29 this November and I’m questioning everything about my life…………well not everything, my kids are the only thing I don’t question. 

I’m sick of so much.  I’m sick of the drama that constantly goes on with TheGrump’s Ex.  I’m sick of feeling like a second class citizen in my own home.  I’m sick of my husband being such an asshole and I’m sick of feeling like I deserve to be treated better.  I can’t say that I wish I could go back and do it all differently because I love my kids and step-kids sooooo much.  I’m not a horrible person and damn it, maybe I’m selfish but I want to be treated well or not at all.  

Things were a little harder but so much less stressful when I was a single parent.  TheTomboy’s father and I get along quite well.  Hell I even get along with his wife.  Why does everyone else have to be so difficult. To be honest, and I know this sounds stupid but I believe that if TheGrump could be back with the Ex he would.  He is much nicer to her than he is to me and I’m sick of it. 

Sometimes I wonder if I’m crazy.  I wonder if I feel all these feelings because they are valid or because I’m bored.  Sometimes I think I should of been born a man, because once I get bored I start pulling away from relationships.  In this case I don’t know which it is.  As of Tuesday we will have been married for 4 years and I miss that giddy feeling that I had when we first started dating.   I wish you could have a relationship where you didn’t get bored and that newness never went away.  Maybe that’s just a fantasy but that’s what I really want!!!

WIP

Randomness

Okay so I complain all the time about my job yes.  And I do sorta like what I do.  But am the low man on the totem pole or “the girl who makes the coffee” and I just don’t want to be that.  And I didn’t spend 30k in school loans (so far) to be the girl who makes the coffee.  But some-days I am reminded of why I wanted to work in family law.  We have a client, a man who has custody of his kids (I know strange huh, not necessarily) His ex is crazy and he had been trying to get her to just give up her rights and let his wife adopt the kids because she is nuts and just doesn’t do right by the children.  Well after a year and a half of trying to get her to do so, she gave in.  Why you ask?  Because she didn’t want to pay child support and was so far behind that DCSE was going to put her in jail.  So she signed over her kids to him and his wife.  We just finished up the adoption and it was singed by the judge.  And to of seen the look on his face when he came in for a copy of the adoption order, it was the look of a man who’s troubles had been suddenly relieved.  He and his wife are some really super nice people and the mother was causing turmoil and trouble in these kids lives and he was so worried about them, but now his worries are lifted.  It just makes me glad I chose this profession, even if it is for a brief minute.

On other news soccer starts tomorrow and The Tomboy has her first game.  TheDiva’s mother signed her up with their local soccer team but there wasn’t enough interest so now she’s on the waiting list to participate in the county program which TheTomboy is in.  But now that schools in there’ll be non  stop running for activities of all sorts 🙂

TheEldest left his shoes at my MIL’s house the other day.  And reports from a classmate of his that knows our family said that he had been wearing flip flops all week to school.  Which my MIL and I both thought was odd because it has been cool and drizzly this week.  Plus if anything like TheTomboy’s school they are not allowed to wear flip flops because of gym class.  So anyway he is suppose to go to a dance and football game tonight and then I will pick him up after.  So I got his shoes from my MIL’s house and was going to take him his shoes.  I arrive at his mother’s house (aka Witch) and see vehicles but no one out side.  And since I can not go on her property (long story where she threatened me, while I was pregnant an then got papers served on me, over two years ago) I couldn’t go knock on the door to give them to him.  So I decided I go to his school and drop them off to him there, which is what I usually do.  So anyway I get there, tell them who I am and they call him up to pick up his shoes and some socks (because I figured he’d be wearing his flip flops again) and yep he was.  No only was he wearing flip flops but his hair also looked greasy and he looked like he had been up all night and very tired.  I told him I’d pick him up tonight and he went back to class.  Now this ticked me off because we’ve run into the “no shower or bath” issue before.  Over the summer they are with us a week and the Witch a week.  During his time with the Witch many times he didn’t take a bath or shower.  Sometimes being because his mother and step dad used up all the hot water and had to go so he didn’t get a shower.  But being at our house during that time we made sure he took a shower everyday.   But now school is back in and they only come 2 days a week and every other weekend, trying to resolve this problem is going to be impossible. 

Maybe I better explain to you about the Witch.  The Witch is the type of person who tries VERY hard to make everyone else see how great she is, great mom, great business woman, great wife…..etc…   But no matter how hard she tries her true self seems to come out and everyone sees how terrible she is.  The problem is that she think’s it everyone else who has the problem and not her.  Quite the contrary.  She had even been heard saying she didn’t want kids and that when her kids hugged her sometimes she coudn’t stand it.  Funny thing because she had 2 kids with TheGrump and has a new baby with the new husband.  The way she treats them is nuts.  She plays with their minds and emotions and it is taking a toll on them.  You can tell, Hell everyone who’s known them all their lives can tell.  And the courts just do no good because they see that “miss perfect mom” persona for the brief time she’s in court and make a decision based on that.  Which is why I hate my job most of the time..  The court just don’t have the time to see people for who they really are unless you are in court every other week and that my friend is expensive.

MIP

Aren’t you just great

Yes we all know your great.

Your just so freaking perfect.

Yes I know that your problems are always bigger and and what you have to say is more important.

COULD YOU PLEASE GET OVER YOUR FREAKING SELF!!!!!

***sorry guys but a gal has got to have some place to vent or her head will explode and lose her job.  Good news on that though is that I have an interview on Thrusday 🙂  Cross your fingers.

Anyone have a cure for the terrible twos ?  Anyone?  Please?  Queenie doesn’t comprehend that most food needs to be cooked and that you can’t eat frozen chicken nuggets and you have to cook eggs before you eat them.  She refused to eat last night because everything she wanted needed to be cooked and when I tried to cook anything she went into convulsions on the floor.  And then after all that she demanded ice cream for supper.  Although wanting to give in, I held my ground. 

hopefully this week gets better 🙂

MIP

CAN I SAY IT ANY LOUDER!!!!!

I HATE MY JOB!!!!

I don’t mind doing my job but I hate finishing up something that someone else started.  They started it and then hand it to me for me to do.  WTF????  Especially when even if two people are doing the same thing/project those two people will probably have two different ways of doing things.  That’s what I get for being nice.  I hate the fact that I’m the peon here and always will be.  Always low man on totem pole.  Hell I was that when I worked in a factory (not knocking anyone who does work in one, my husband still does) It’s just that I thought I could do something that made a difference and feel good about going into work.  Now I just dread it.  and every little thing is annoying me now too.

 That about sums up my Monday 😦

MIP

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