Can’t shake the feeling

I’ve been angry with someone for over a week. I can’t seem to get over it. Even tho this person has done things to get back in my good graces. But not the one thing that he needs to do to make things right…….

So my love life has been crap. 3 failed marriages…… Yes count them 3. At the age of 34 that’s something trying to tell me to give up lol. It’s a long story on this last one but I’ve got my girls and that’s all I need. It’s hard being a single mom. Especially one of a teenager.

Off to bed….. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

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Career

So I finally finished and graduated nursing school in may 2011. Now if you can help it. I don’t recommend working a full time job while going to nursing school, but I’m living proof it can be done. 10 years ago I would of laughed at you if you mentioned I go into nursing. Now I can’t imagine myself doing anything else. I work in long term care prn….. But my passion is my full time job…… I’m an ER NURSE. yes I’ve become an adrenaline junkie. But I also love learning how the body works and how diseases and things affect the body….. And how we can help the body get better. My job can be stressful at times. But I have an awesome work family and couldn’t ask for a better job. More on this to come ūüėČ

turning 30

So on Wednesday I turned 30…… I was stressed out about it but honesly I just don’t feel 30.¬† I feel the same as I did the day before…………………

Happiness……..

What is happiness?¬†Is anyone really truly happy?¬† If you are please comment, I’d love to know what you think happiness is.¬†

Am I happy?¬† to be honest I have no idea.¬† Over the last few days I’ve thought and thought about this question.¬† I’m happy with my kids, I’m happy that I’m going back to school to do something I want to do, but am I happy with other aspects of my life, Not really.¬† Why do we stay in relationships that make us miserable?¬† Or am I just ready to sabotage another relationship because I’m dysfunctional like that.¬† Is it so much to ask to be treated with respect and to be loved?¬† What the fuck is love anyway!

Maybe I’m going through a mid-life crisis sort of thing.¬† I’m only 29 but am having issues with being so close to 30.¬† We’ll see just how dysfunctional I am.¬† No more sugar coating anything on this blog.¬† If I feel it, I’m going to post it.¬†

Don’t you have those bloggers who go on and on about how happy they are and how wonderful their husband’s are……………¬† I use to be one of those and it is all bullshit.¬† No ones life is perfect, mine especially.¬† To those who are still in denial……………..bite me.

 WIP

I’m BAAAACK

Not that anyone reads this damn blog but I’m back.¬† I had switched over to blogcharm for¬†a while and then kinda stopped blogging all together but now I’m back…………why you ask?¬†because I need something to keep my sanity.¬†

 Also not to be pimping my own site but go check out my new business venture:  http://www.sabrinasvillage.com 

It is a work in progress

Here is some of our great stuff

Randomness

Okay so I complain all the time about my job yes.¬† And I do sorta like what I do.¬†¬†But am the low man on the totem pole or “the girl who makes the coffee” and I just don’t want to be that.¬† And I didn’t spend 30k in school loans (so far) to be the girl who makes the coffee.¬† But some-days I am reminded of why I wanted to work in family law.¬† We have a client, a man who has custody of his kids (I know strange huh, not necessarily) His ex is crazy and he had been trying to get her to just give up her rights and let his wife adopt the kids because she is nuts and just doesn’t do right by the children.¬† Well after a year and a half of trying to get her to do so, she gave in.¬† Why you ask?¬† Because she didn’t want to pay child support and was so far behind that DCSE was going to put her in jail.¬† So she signed over her kids to him and his wife.¬† We just finished up the adoption and it was singed by the judge.¬† And to of seen the look on his face when he came in for a copy of the adoption order, it was the look of a man who’s troubles had been suddenly relieved.¬† He and his wife are some really super nice people and the mother was causing turmoil and trouble in these kids lives and he was so worried about them, but now his worries are lifted.¬† It just makes me glad I chose this profession, even if it is for a brief minute.

On other news soccer starts tomorrow and The Tomboy has her first game.¬† TheDiva’s mother signed her up with their local soccer team but there wasn’t enough interest so now she’s on the waiting list to participate in the county program which TheTomboy is in.¬† But now that schools in there’ll be non¬† stop running for activities of all sorts ūüôā

TheEldest left his shoes at my MIL’s house the other day.¬† And reports from a classmate of his that knows our family said that he had been wearing flip flops all week to school.¬† Which my MIL and I both thought was odd because it has been cool and drizzly this week.¬† Plus if anything like TheTomboy’s school they are not allowed to wear flip flops because of gym class.¬† So anyway he is suppose to go to a dance and football game tonight and then I will pick him up after.¬† So I got his shoes from my MIL’s house and was going to take him his shoes.¬† I arrive at his mother’s house (aka Witch) and see vehicles but no one out side.¬† And since I can not go on her property (long story where she threatened me, while I was pregnant an then got papers served on me, over two years ago) I couldn’t go knock on the door to give them to him.¬† So I decided I go to his school and drop them off to him there, which is what I usually do.¬† So anyway I get there, tell them who I am and they call him up to pick up his shoes and some socks (because I figured he’d be wearing his flip flops again) and yep he was.¬† No only was he wearing flip flops but his hair also looked greasy and he looked like he had been up all night and very tired.¬† I told him I’d pick him up tonight and he went back to class.¬† Now this ticked me off because we’ve run into the “no shower or bath” issue before.¬† Over the summer they are with us a week and the Witch a week.¬† During his time with the Witch many times he didn’t take a bath or shower.¬† Sometimes being because his mother and step dad used up all the hot water and had to go so he didn’t get a shower.¬† But being at our house during that time we made sure he took a shower everyday.¬†¬† But now school is back in and they only come 2 days a week and every other weekend, trying to resolve this problem is going to be impossible.¬†

Maybe I better explain to you about the Witch.¬† The Witch is the type of person who tries VERY hard to make everyone else see how great she is, great mom, great business woman, great wife…..etc…¬†¬† But no matter how hard she tries her true self seems to come out and everyone sees how terrible she is.¬† The problem is that she think’s it everyone else who has the problem¬†and not her.¬† Quite the contrary.¬† She had even been heard saying she didn’t want kids and that when her kids hugged her sometimes she coudn’t stand it.¬† Funny thing because she had 2 kids with TheGrump and has a new baby with the new husband.¬† The way she treats them is nuts.¬† She plays with their minds and emotions and it is taking a toll on them.¬† You can tell, Hell everyone who’s known them all their lives can tell.¬† And the courts just do no good because they see that “miss perfect mom” persona for the brief time she’s in court and make a decision based on that.¬† Which is why I hate my job most of the time..¬† The court just don’t have the time to see people for who they really are unless you are in court every other week and that my friend is expensive.

MIP

Rainbows, moodswings and maxi pads

I’m not ready, I’m not ready………

TheTomboy is 9.¬† And being only 9 I thought she would be just like her mother and be a late bloomer.¬† I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this puberty stuff for at least another year or two.¬† Over the last 3 to 4 weeks I have noticed a change in her.¬† Her moodswings have increased greatly.¬† She went from being happy and care free one moment to down in the dumps the next.¬† That’s when I started to think it was coming.¬† That’s when I realized that my little girl is growing up.¬†¬†

She has begun filling out some and we’ve looked into training bras for her.¬† Then yesterday she comes to me with this:

TB:¬† “mom, I felt like I was going to cry today.¬† All day today.¬† And ya know, it was for no reason.¬† No one did anything to me.¬† Nothing bad happened, but I still felt like I was going to cry”

She already knew that when she got old enough she would have a period but I didnt’ think she realized how hormonal she would be or how crazy her body would act.¬† So yesterday we sat down and had a talk about it and we put some maxi pads in her book bag “just in case” and now the countdown has begun.¬†

I wasn’t sure I was even ready to handle fourth grade this year, But I definately wasn’t ready for this.

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