Can’t shake the feeling

I’ve been angry with someone for over a week. I can’t seem to get over it. Even tho this person has done things to get back in my good graces. But not the one thing that he needs to do to make things right…….

So my love life has been crap. 3 failed marriages…… Yes count them 3. At the age of 34 that’s something trying to tell me to give up lol. It’s a long story on this last one but I’ve got my girls and that’s all I need. It’s hard being a single mom. Especially one of a teenager.

Off to bed….. Maybe tomorrow will be better.



So I finally finished and graduated nursing school in may 2011. Now if you can help it. I don’t recommend working a full time job while going to nursing school, but I’m living proof it can be done. 10 years ago I would of laughed at you if you mentioned I go into nursing. Now I can’t imagine myself doing anything else. I work in long term care prn….. But my passion is my full time job…… I’m an ER NURSE. yes I’ve become an adrenaline junkie. But I also love learning how the body works and how diseases and things affect the body….. And how we can help the body get better. My job can be stressful at times. But I have an awesome work family and couldn’t ask for a better job. More on this to come 😉

Roller coaster

Hmm. I often wonder why I have a blog. I think at first it was a way to express my feelings without having judgment passed on me. Funny thing is its taken me 34 years to find myself and the one thing the people who know me best will say I lack a filter sometimes. And unless I truly care about you I just don’t give a damn what anyone thinks. Which is not something I could of said years ago.

With that said I guess overall this blog shows that I’m constantly in progress changing and trying to improve. I want to be a better mom, better nurse, better friend…….. Not that all would agree. But it is what it is.

I’ve had lots of ups and downs in life. Mostly in the love/relationship department. I feel very broken and maybe too damaged for anyone. But more on that later. Otherwise I’m working hard at being a single mom trying to do the best for my kids. I’ve found a job that I absolutely love and some amazing friends along the way.

Although I bitch and moan sometimes I couldn’t be a luckier woman to have everything I have in life right now. Not bad for a girl who grew up in a trailer park lol 😉


I feel empty inside.   I feel broken and unloveable most everyday. I wish i didnt feel this way.  I wish i felt normal.  But i am not sure i ever will.  And i managed to push anyone close to me away so eventually they dont love me. I really hate living with a mental illness.  Nobody understands and its just a burden for anyone including myself. I am at a loss on what to do anymore.

The beginning……or the end

So over 3 years ago or about that i left the asshole ex husband.  Unfortunately it involved him threatening to kill me and i got the cops involved to have him taken out of the house.  But it was one of the best days of my life.   I had never felt so free as i did after that.  It was like i had been released from a prison. It was scary in the sense that i had no idea how i was going to make it but such a relief that me and the kids were finally free. I ultimately had to let my house be foreclosed on and filed bankruptcy.  But it was such a small price to pay for getting out of that misery. I got a little apartment to rent and started my own life.  Now we do have a child in common and she loves her dad but thankfully he doesn’t get her a whole lot.  Which in a way is sad.  But also i don’t have to worry as often while she is gone with him.   My life has come so far since then but i will save the rest of the story for later……


Ok god love anyone who has a teenager.  I dont know what monster comes down and sucks the brain out of our sweet little darling children. And replaces it with attitude, smartassness (yes i just made up my own word), and the idea that they know it all.  But if i ever run across such monster that does this to our kids i will kill it with my bear hands.  I live in a house with 3……yes count them 3 teenage girls.  Granted only one is my child and is making me totally crazy at the moment!  How did such a sweet child turn into a moody, raging……well you know.  I love her dearly but if the attitude doesnt improve i am going to lock her in a closet until she is 20 something.

It has been a while

Not sure where to begin.  Its been a longtime since i posted anything. But thanks to technology and an app for my smartphone i plan on being here way more often. I will start by saying i am no longer married to the abusive alcoholic and now married to my oldest daughter’s father and living my dream as a nurse.  How i got here is a long story but i will explain it all in a series of posts here soon……

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