Done…..Love?

How do you know when you’re done with a relationship and are just going through the motions.  Or should I say why does it take so long to be done with a relationship?  It’s not like things got crappy overnight, things have been like it all along, but why does it take so long for us to realize this?  I am done……………. Just biding my time and trying to finish my degree so I can take care of my kids and make it on my own.

I have thought and thought about it and I am not totally convinced that there is a such thing as love.  Okay well with the exception of my kids, cause I know I love them unconditionally and the love I have for my BFF of 26 years, because even though we’ve had our ups and downs, we’ve loved each other unconditionally.  But I am not sure I’ve ever been “in love” with any man.  What is love?  and how do I know if I was in it or not?    My BFF asked me if I loved my ex-hubs.  Honestly I can say no,  we were more in lust than anything.  Do I love my husband?????  I am not sure I can say yes.  I care for him deeply, but I don’t love him because he doesn’t make me love myself……………………

to be continued….

MIP

Randomness

Okay so I complain all the time about my job yes.  And I do sorta like what I do.  But am the low man on the totem pole or “the girl who makes the coffee” and I just don’t want to be that.  And I didn’t spend 30k in school loans (so far) to be the girl who makes the coffee.  But some-days I am reminded of why I wanted to work in family law.  We have a client, a man who has custody of his kids (I know strange huh, not necessarily) His ex is crazy and he had been trying to get her to just give up her rights and let his wife adopt the kids because she is nuts and just doesn’t do right by the children.  Well after a year and a half of trying to get her to do so, she gave in.  Why you ask?  Because she didn’t want to pay child support and was so far behind that DCSE was going to put her in jail.  So she signed over her kids to him and his wife.  We just finished up the adoption and it was singed by the judge.  And to of seen the look on his face when he came in for a copy of the adoption order, it was the look of a man who’s troubles had been suddenly relieved.  He and his wife are some really super nice people and the mother was causing turmoil and trouble in these kids lives and he was so worried about them, but now his worries are lifted.  It just makes me glad I chose this profession, even if it is for a brief minute.

On other news soccer starts tomorrow and The Tomboy has her first game.  TheDiva’s mother signed her up with their local soccer team but there wasn’t enough interest so now she’s on the waiting list to participate in the county program which TheTomboy is in.  But now that schools in there’ll be non  stop running for activities of all sorts 🙂

TheEldest left his shoes at my MIL’s house the other day.  And reports from a classmate of his that knows our family said that he had been wearing flip flops all week to school.  Which my MIL and I both thought was odd because it has been cool and drizzly this week.  Plus if anything like TheTomboy’s school they are not allowed to wear flip flops because of gym class.  So anyway he is suppose to go to a dance and football game tonight and then I will pick him up after.  So I got his shoes from my MIL’s house and was going to take him his shoes.  I arrive at his mother’s house (aka Witch) and see vehicles but no one out side.  And since I can not go on her property (long story where she threatened me, while I was pregnant an then got papers served on me, over two years ago) I couldn’t go knock on the door to give them to him.  So I decided I go to his school and drop them off to him there, which is what I usually do.  So anyway I get there, tell them who I am and they call him up to pick up his shoes and some socks (because I figured he’d be wearing his flip flops again) and yep he was.  No only was he wearing flip flops but his hair also looked greasy and he looked like he had been up all night and very tired.  I told him I’d pick him up tonight and he went back to class.  Now this ticked me off because we’ve run into the “no shower or bath” issue before.  Over the summer they are with us a week and the Witch a week.  During his time with the Witch many times he didn’t take a bath or shower.  Sometimes being because his mother and step dad used up all the hot water and had to go so he didn’t get a shower.  But being at our house during that time we made sure he took a shower everyday.   But now school is back in and they only come 2 days a week and every other weekend, trying to resolve this problem is going to be impossible. 

Maybe I better explain to you about the Witch.  The Witch is the type of person who tries VERY hard to make everyone else see how great she is, great mom, great business woman, great wife…..etc…   But no matter how hard she tries her true self seems to come out and everyone sees how terrible she is.  The problem is that she think’s it everyone else who has the problem and not her.  Quite the contrary.  She had even been heard saying she didn’t want kids and that when her kids hugged her sometimes she coudn’t stand it.  Funny thing because she had 2 kids with TheGrump and has a new baby with the new husband.  The way she treats them is nuts.  She plays with their minds and emotions and it is taking a toll on them.  You can tell, Hell everyone who’s known them all their lives can tell.  And the courts just do no good because they see that “miss perfect mom” persona for the brief time she’s in court and make a decision based on that.  Which is why I hate my job most of the time..  The court just don’t have the time to see people for who they really are unless you are in court every other week and that my friend is expensive.

MIP

Have you missed me?

Yeah right, probably not LOL.  Where does the time go.  I must say time flies when you have 10,000 things to do. Just a few random things for today 🙂

TheGrump and I finally went out to eat by ourselves (which is a rare occurrence), although weeks late this was to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary.  LOL  I always tell people we’re doing good because we’ve lasted twice as long as my first marriage did (which was about 13 mos)

TheTomboy turned 9 on August 11th.  Boy oh boy she’s grown like a weed.  I can’t believe that’s she’s so grown up.  She is as tall as the TheEldest and looks like she’s 13 not 9.  My baby is growing up.  Makes me sad but happy to see what a great young lady she’s become.  We had a great birthday party.  Unconventional by most people’s standards, but she loves it.  Even though her father and I are not together anymore and both of us are re-married and such, we still have a joint birthday party.  Him, his wife and all his family as well as me, TheGrump, and our families all attend.  A great time was had by all 🙂  I made the cake again this year (I’m getting pretty good too), it was a pizza birthday cake and was delicious.  I’ll try and post some pics tonight if I get a chance.

I’ve been working on a new website and still looking for a new job.  Other than that, spending more time with the kiddos and work has kept me busy.  I’ll try not to neglect the blog anymore 🙂

toodles

MIP

Blended like a margarita

sometimes I feel Like I need one…………

Just kidding.  So as you know we have a blended family and since that’s all I’ve ever known I just assume that non-blended families (if there are any left in the world) have similar trials and tribulations like we do.  Don’t get me wrong my family is wonderful, it’s the TheEx that usually causes my life to be stressed.  Which I never had before because TheTomboy’s dad and I get along quite well.  I even get along with his wife.  So until I got married I never really had that much drama.  And now we try to avoid the drama TheEx would have it no other way. 

Anyway my kids are adjusted as well as they can, being from a blended family.  Although Queenie is having some issues of her own now, being the only child that doesn’t go away to another parent’s house.  Now every-time one of the older children leave she cried “don’t go, don’t go”.  Everyday that they are not there she’ll ask “where’s bubby, where’s sissy, where’s sissy?”  and I have to explain the best that you can to a two year old where each of them are.  It’s sad to hear her cry after them, but we manage. 

Anyone else from a blended or normal family that has drama? I’m sure you’re out there 🙂

MIP

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Most boring week ever so far.  Of course let me not say that too soon.  It is only Tuesday you know. 

I’ve moved up the post about the Charles O. Volpe Scholarship fund and will do so every so often in order to keep it up to date for viewing.  Thanks to Chuck Volpe for posting in the comments section as well.  Please check it out if you get a minute. 

Well I’ve applied for two more things this past week, so cross your fingers for me.  Not that I hate my job (well sometimes I do, but who doesn’t).  I just feel like I was meant to do more with my life.  I got into the family law thing because I thought I’d make a difference and sometimes I feel like things are getting destroyed more than I’m helping.  Looking into this RN or LPN thing doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere.  I could take the LPN class for FREE at our local hospital (which right now would be great) but NO ONE offers anything in the evening.  IF I could do this then transfer into the RN program and complete my training.  But NO!  No one cares that I can’t afford to quit my 9 to 5 job to take the class and find some less paying job in the evenings.  My family needs me to work.  TheGrump already works 7 days a week and is exhausted just to keep us afloat.  SO where does this lead me?  I guess I really need to finish my Bachelor’s degree.  The only issue with that is my community.  Yes I do love my community but even if I get my Bacherlor’s degree, am I really going to find something worth while and make more money at it in such a small community?  I see kids that actually went to college and didn’t take the hard road that I did, and are working in fast food places or at the local chain store.  Sometimes I feel like I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up LOL and if I do decide on something that it seems near impossible to do.  I guess whatever I do I want to feel like I’m making a difference.

Randomness of the week

Oh my where to start.  Well I took my second week of vacation this week to try and get some stuff done around the house and do some things with the kids.  Well it started off good was getting the house clean and planning some trips to the lake with the kids.  I got a call first thing Monday from my office manager (which normally isn’t unusual because they always call me while I’m on vacation.)  But this time was different.  She was freaking out because evidently one of the places I interviewed at was calling to check my references.  Which I thought was odd because I was suppose to have a second interview with them and they never called me back to do it.  So anyway, she was wanting to know if she needed to put an ad in the paper hiring new help.  I said no but that yes I had applied because I was looking to make more money.  She gave me that I ought to feel lucky for what I make now…………………..anyway  I wonder what she really said to them because I have heard nothing back from them at all.  Not even a rejection letter or a followup interview.  So who knows.  Now things will probably be even more uncomfortable at work now because they really had no clue I was looking for something else. 

So anyway got some stuff cleaned this week and we went to the lake a few times.  The kids were hoping to go again today but I had to come into work today (go figure) because the office manager wanted to leave early because her sister in law is having a baby shower today at 6 p.m.  Why she needed to leave at 1 p.m. who knows?  but that’s the norm around here.  If that were me I’d get the big “why must you leave so early” speech.  Which I could understand if she were giving the baby shower but she’s not.  I am the peon here and defiantly get treated like it.  I hate that everything is one sided and that people constantly leave early and got to do this and got to do that, but when it comes to something like kids doctor appointments and such I have to work around what they think I should do.  Hello if my kid is sick (which luckily rarely happens where I take off work) then I need to take them to a doctor.  I don’t know I guess a lot has built up and gotten on my nerves these last 4 years.  I really want to feel like my job makes a difference in the world and I only feel like it destroys more than it helps.  I guess that’s what I get working for a divorce attorney. 

Anyway I’m here at work and my kids are patiently waiting on me to get off so we can cook out tonight when I get home. 

tootles,

MIP

Stuck between a rock and a rock continued……….

Lunch was DELISH 🙂  And I wonder why I’m fat.

okay where was I????

Oh yeah, I kinda got into the fact I’d have another girl to shop for.  So TheGrump got up the nerve to call and the first few times he just left a message but no return call.  He called one night and got a very shocked Fucktard on the phone.  He basically told her how he felt about the situation.  He felt that it was her fault for him not knowing TheDaughter and that he wanted a relationship with her and wanted to ease into getting to know her.  Problem is that the child had no idea about him and that she thought that Fucktard’s current boyfriend was her Dad, but she said that she would talk to her and ease her into this.  TheGrump seemed glad that he was going to get to know her and talk to her.  so a few months go by and nada, no call, no getting a hold of her. 

In the mean time TheGrump asks me to do some research on this girl and check into retainer fees for attorney’s in her area and check out the court systems.  Good thing I’m a paralegal and know all this stuff.  Found out that her and the boyfriend have been to court about domestic disputes.  The BF had a few other things on his record.  Any attorney in the area wants between $3,000 and $5,000 to start a case for TheGrump.  He would also have to fly there which would cost around $800 to $900.  She doesn’t work anywhere and is receiving government help.  Has many addresses and P.O. Boxes over the past few years when doing a people search and found 2 other old phone numbers. 

Finally around November or December TheGrump got in touch with her again.  She had not told TheDaughter about him and asked him to give up his parental rights to TheDaughter.  TheGrump was peeved by this and said no that he wanted to be a part of her life and knew it would be difficult in the beginning but that she deserved to know.  So she agreed and said to please give her a few days and she could talk to TheDaughter and she would let him talk to her next time he called.  So TheGrump being optimistic said okay and figured it would happen this way.  Well when he called back Fucktard put him on the phone with a little girl who he thought was TheDaughter.  She didn’t say much but she’s six so he didn’t really think much of it.  He got back on the phone with Fucktard and asked what size clothing TheDaughter wore and what stuff she liked because he wanted to get her christmas and birthday presents. He also asked for pictures and such.  She agreed she would send pictures and he gave her the address.

Near TheDaughter’s birthday in December right before X-mas we packed up a HUGE box of clothing, toys, cards, pictures of the family, and such.  Mailed it in time for her to get it before her birthday.  About two days before her birthday TheGrump called Fucktard to see if she got the package.  She said yes and that she realized that she had taken him away from his daughter all these years and that had lied to him and that the little girl he talked to on the phone was her cousin’s daughter and that she hadn’t told TheDaughter about him yet but that she promised that she would do this before her birthday and that he could call her back on her birthday and talk to her.  Let’s just say when he called her back on TheDaughter’s birthday the phone had been disconnected.  TheGrump was devastated.  He didn’t know what to do. 

We have tried to find  a way to come up with the money to hire an attorney in Alaska but with 4 kids here and paying child support to Fucktard along with all the other bills we just don’t have 3 to 5 thousand dollars lying around.  My boss is an attorney but she can’t practice law in AK, so no help there.  And AK attorney’s are not as eager to give me a break just because I am a paralegal, although ones around here do.  After months passed and not being able to get in contact with Fucktard and not being so sure that the P.O. Box was any good, TheGrump asked me to write a letter to see if we could get a rise out of Fucktard.  So I typed a letter for him (from him) telling her that she had x amount of time to contact him or he would start the court process to file for custody.  Trying to bluff because we know we don’t have the money, but maybe it would put her feet to the fire.  I sent it certified mail and a return receipt.  after about two weeks there was no return I called her local post office and inquired on whether or not it was picked up and when they were going to do a second notice.  I did this knowing that in small towns word travels fast and they might mention to her that someone called.  Woo hoo it was picked up the very next day and signed for.  AH HA, now we know the post office box was still good, but would she take the bait.  Almost a month passed and we heard NADA, zilch, nothing………..

Around the second week of May TheGrump received a letter in the mail from the Tribal Council with an attached petition that Fucktard had filed asking them to help her with custody and adoption of TheDaughter.  It stated that they were going to meet to see if they would persue this issue for Fucktard and then let him know something.  The meeting was set for May 5th.  As of today we have heardnothing from them, even though I have sent them two letters from TheGrump asking them to update him on the status of this.  So now we’re in limbo.

Any advice?  Maybe I’ll set up a Fund 🙂

Previous Older Entries